Pregnant

5 weeks pregnant...

Its so wonderful and so scary to think I have a baby growing inside me. I already find myself falling in love and worrying over his/her health.

I think I am mainly scared because I have wanted this is badly for so long that if something were to happen I know how heartbroken I would be. But on the positive side I have no reason for alarm.

Is it weird but I feel my uterus growing? Not really but I do feeling something going on in my body...I am bloated and so tired. Like more tired than ever before, and the "joke" you think you are tired now...isn't funny?!? I am so excited for the process. I find myself cradling my tummy which is so silly since the baby is the size of an appleseed right now! I am not looking forward to morning sickness but I know its all apart of the process and hope I can get thru it with as much dignity and grace as possible!

JD tries to put on a brave face like he isn't super psyched like me...but I know he is excited too! He is going to be such a good daddy. He is taking such good care of me. He is helping me around the house more he is much more laid back and he is constantly telling me he loves me and asking how I am doing.

I am so grateful for him and to be able to have this experience with him. Hopefully I will get on here monthly to update on the growth and health of our little baby.

Down in the dumps

The last several months have been hard. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I want to happy, I want to be excited but it's hard to maintain that to feel it and to not talk myself out of it. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. Part of it is I am not living my truth...but there is something deeper a darkness I feel creeping on me. It's scary, like I feel everything and everyone I love will find out who I am inside and not love me because I don't deserve it. The thing is I know that is not true but I still feel it. I cry all the time, and when my husband asks why I can't articulate why? It is so frustrating for him. He doesn't understand crying and he especially doesn't get it when I can't tell him why...

But here's the thing, I have so much to be grateful for.
1. My husband
2. Our home
3. My family
4. His family
5. My friends
6. My job (even tho I hate it I am still grateful)
7. My fur babies
8. The gospel
9. Church
10. Agency
11. School
I can keep going. It makes me so miserable that I can't just snap out of this funk...that I can't just be HAPPY!

So it's time to do something. I am going to make an appointment with a professional and I am going to start on the path back to God. I know I was the happiest when I was doing what was right with God. And I know that only thru Him can I be healed. It's going be a long journey but each day I can make progress.

My husbands Birthday

I don't know if anyone else has a hubby that hates their birthdays as much as mine. He never let's me celebrate the special day he came into this world.  However, this year his mom, Cheryl, came to visit us. Our first real house guest! And somehow she convinced him to let us take him to the pirate show in Buena Park. It was a fun show. We both enjoyed the trapeze portion of the show. We took Grandpa John with us which is always a treat. 

Photo shoot with Nick

These are a few of my most favorite pictures from the shoot. Of course most of them are of the dogs or JD. But they look amazing. I can't wait to get them printed for the family picture wall. Plus Ian going to print some of them for family Christmas presents. 

 

I find this picture so becoming of my very attractive husband. His little beard is so sexy! I know TMI! But he looks so handsome. 

And this picture just makes my heart smile! 

Photo shoot by Nick D Photography

Jd and I helped out a friend and did a photoshoot. More pictures to come. 

We went to Big Bear Lake. It was such a beautiful day! The dogs loved the lake. Pretty sure Kodiak would have swam out if I didn't have him on a leash. Even Cali went out in the water. 

Below are a few pics from the shoot: 

I love the next picture of Cali. 

And a few pictures I snapped with my phone:

Kodiak and Cali

Ever since we moved we have noticed how lonely Cali has been so Jd and I decided to get a puppy. Jd searched the Internet for breeds that would be a perfect match for Cali and at the same time not be a big dog. He found a breed called Shiba Inu. They only get to around 20-25lbs and have a thick double layer of fur and are known to take down bears with their pack. So we set out to find them in our area. That's when I was told to take over the search and I found a breeder named Alma who lives in Corona. Our sweet Kodiak was born late January 19th and we were able to go see him February 2nd. We fell head over heels for him. Such an adorable and love able personality and even he is winning our dear Cali's heart. She is still skeptical of him but as he gets bigger so they can play then I know they will be the perfect match.

CRUISE: Mexican Riveria

Last May JD and I went on a cruise to the Mexican Riv. It was the most relaxing vacation I have ever had. Laying out by the pool, getting a massage with my mother-in-law, swimming with dolphins, walking around in cities that were exotic and different from anywhere else I have been. I can't wait until we embark on another cruise. Summer 2013!