The last several months have been hard. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I want to happy, I want to be excited but it's hard to maintain that to feel it and to not talk myself out of it. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. Part of it is I am not living my truth...but there is something deeper a darkness I feel creeping on me. It's scary, like I feel everything and everyone I love will find out who I am inside and not love me because I don't deserve it. The thing is I know that is not true but I still feel it. I cry all the time, and when my husband asks why I can't articulate why? It is so frustrating for him. He doesn't understand crying and he especially doesn't get it when I can't tell him why...
But here's the thing, I have so much to be grateful for.
1. My husband
2. Our home
3. My family
4. His family
5. My friends
6. My job (even tho I hate it I am still grateful)
7. My fur babies
8. The gospel
9. Church
10. Agency
11. School
I can keep going. It makes me so miserable that I can't just snap out of this funk...that I can't just be HAPPY!
So it's time to do something. I am going to make an appointment with a professional and I am going to start on the path back to God. I know I was the happiest when I was doing what was right with God. And I know that only thru Him can I be healed. It's going be a long journey but each day I can make progress.
Love that quote by Sheri Dew! I think one of Satan's strongest tools is discouragement, whether it is directed toward ourselves or others. We all deserve to feel loved and happy! Hang in there, rely on the Lord and hold fast to the gospel as "a guide for maneuvering through the challenges of life with a sense of purpose and directions."
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