Saturday, September 19, 2015

Lets play catch up

Ok so I was looking over my previous blog post before the pregnancy announcement...and dang I was in a bad place. But so much has changes since then. So let tell you...

I did go and seek professional help. I met with a wonderful counselor and we talked about my pain. I had worried myself into depression and had a little bit of a chemical imbalance. My counselor gave me some tips to work thru my anxiety. They totally work. I still find myself worrying over things I have no control of but I just talk myself down and its all good.

One of the biggest contributors to my self-loathing was I was miserable in my own skin. I was embarrassed by how I looked and it made it so I didn't want anyone to talk to me or know I was married to JD because I felt he deserved someone better looking. My health was in shambles. I had bad high blood pressure, was pre-diabetic and weighed close to 300lbs. It was horrible. So I emailed my doctor and asked her for advice. She suggested me taking a health education course thru Kaiser. It was awesome. I started feeling better about me right away. I was changing how we were eating and thinking about food. I lost 18lbs through out the course and at the end was recommended to have weight loss surgery... I already knew I wanted it from the first class. So on February 24th I had vertical gastric sleeve surgery at Kaiser West LA. Since then I have lost a total of 87lbs. I am down to a size 8.

While losing weight wasn't just for looks I do like the way I look and feel about myself. Another awesome thing is I no longer have high blood pressure and am no longer a concern for diabetes. Of course all these things can change if I don't follow through with my complete lifestyle change.

Now I meal prep and exercise. Its so fun coming up with new recipes that are healthy and tasty. I love it. JD also has lost weight. And I no longer am depressed. Its just a wonderful thing to be able to get me in order. Especially now that I am pregnant.

Pregnant

5 weeks pregnant...

Its so wonderful and so scary to think I have a baby growing inside me. I already find myself falling in love and worrying over his/her health.

I think I am mainly scared because I have wanted this is badly for so long that if something were to happen I know how heartbroken I would be. But on the positive side I have no reason for alarm.

Is it weird but I feel my uterus growing? Not really but I do feeling something going on in my body...I am bloated and so tired. Like more tired than ever before, and the "joke" you think you are tired now...isn't funny?!? I am so excited for the process. I find myself cradling my tummy which is so silly since the baby is the size of an appleseed right now! I am not looking forward to morning sickness but I know its all apart of the process and hope I can get thru it with as much dignity and grace as possible!

JD tries to put on a brave face like he isn't super psyched like me...but I know he is excited too! He is going to be such a good daddy. He is taking such good care of me. He is helping me around the house more he is much more laid back and he is constantly telling me he loves me and asking how I am doing.

I am so grateful for him and to be able to have this experience with him. Hopefully I will get on here monthly to update on the growth and health of our little baby.